Although always near in my heart, Freddy is no longer in this physical place. He no longer calls
me on the phone and says, “Hey Tia, it’s your brother…” before launching into a piece of news – something he saw or heard while watching TV, reading or talking with an old friend of ours. He no longer asks what I’ve read or heard about, a current event, movie, or family news.
We have a rather large family of Caribbean relatives who once lived in New York City, as we did, but now inhabit far-flung cities all over the United States. From childhood, Freddy, who saw me as quite a “busy-body”, expected me to be able to keep our family ties, sorted out and therefore, remind him whenever necessary, who was connected to whom, and how they were all connected to us. I do have a Griot’s heart, and I’ve kept all my parents’ old photo albums, so, I was usually able to help the guy out!
Freddy left this life on a cold, rainy, quiet evening in December. What a desolate night that was
for me. My “forever friend” was gone – suddenly, silently. Gone.
My brother was only a year older than me – so I never had known a time when he wasn’t in my
life. He was my first friend – I believe I actually thought he was all mine – the most important
being in my world.
Freddy was always really big for his age, and I was small – yet I tried to “run the show”. My
mother said Freddy was a quiet child, content to be still, while I was always noisy and active –
always pushing him to play with me and talk to me. When he went off to school at five, I
couldn’t wait for him to come home so he could tell me what went on in school, and show me
what he had learned. I started school the following year and surprised my teacher. I had already mastered the basics of reading – all because of Freddy.
I remember Freddy asking me once why I talked so much and would never stay still. I had no
idea what to tell him. Yet, he never made me feel unwanted – he never acted angry or pushed
me away. Instead, he helped and encouraged me all the way through life. I imagine, for him, I
was a slightly amusing, slightly annoying little shadow – sometimes troublesome, but always
well-meaning.
As I look back over the years, I remember Freddy as an awesome big brother – one who
included me in football and baseball games – one who never told me I couldn’t participate
because I was a girl – one who continued to support and encourage my adventurous spirit
throughout life. Whether it was college, my activities in the Civil Rights and Black Power
Movements of the 1960s, my adventures in Africa, in Cuba and Jamaica, he was there for me.
He was there as I wended my way through various career paths, as well as my marriages, and
my efforts at parenting and grand-parenting.
It’s hard to accept that he no longer walks the Earth.
I love you and miss you terribly, Freddy, my unfailing, my forever, friend.